So, you think only Donald Trump said some pretty weird stuff this year? If so, then it might be time to refresh your memory. Pakistani politicians have said their share of incredibly dumb things in 2016. And interestingly enough, most times, they didn’t even realise it.
Disclaimer: We did NOT make this up.
1. Sindh govt converting province into ‘Kafiristan’
You have to give the devil his due. In a landmark move, Sindh Assembly banned forced conversions of minorities. But, it seems, some people were far from happy.
“Since the assembly has collectively banned religious conversion, it has committed treason with the Quran and Sunnah, and the Constitution. There is no justification for the assembly to stay,” Jamiat Ulema-e-Islam (JUI-S) leader Maulana Samiul Haq said.
He further added, “It is regrettable that minorities in Pakistan have the right to preach their religion, but a sick secular mentality are interfering in an Islamic country.” He isn’t done yet, people, not by a long shot. “The Sindh government is converting the province into ‘Kafiristan’ with such un-Islamic decisions.”
Oh well, you can’t please everyone.
2. Forget press-ups, PML-N MPs tell cricketers
In a rather bizarre turn of events, two PML-N lawmakers took severe exception to Pakistan cricket team’s choice of post-match celebration, saying the players should offer voluntary prayers instead of doing pushups upon winning.
“What message Pakistani cricketers are trying to give by doing pushups after matches?” MNA Rana Muhammad Afzal asked.
What business it is of his remains a mystery to this day.
3. Pervaiz Rashid refuses to say Middlesex/Hamfield
Apparently, former information minister Pervaiz Rashid’s wuzoo (ablution) can be broken by merely uttering the names of certain places in England. “I won’t take the name of the area because if a Muslim takes the name, they have to perform wuzoo (ablution),” Rashid said matter-of-factly at a press conference in May.
The intended area, Middlesex or Hamfield, is reportedly where PTI chairman Imran Khan’s children live. The former information minister then urged Khan to name the place. “If Khan Sahib takes its name, even he would have to perform wuzoo again, if he believes in performing it.”
Point-scoring taken to extreme lengths, eh?
4. Do not to observe Valentine’s Day
Pakistan’s President Mamnoon Hussain took out time from his extremely busy hibernation schedule a day ahead of Valentine’s Day only to urge all Pakistanis to refrain from celebrating the day.
“Valentine’s Day has no connection with our culture and it should be avoided,” he urged.
Interestingly, he said this while speaking at an event to honour the services of Pakistan Movement leader Sardar Abdur Rab Nishtar on his death anniversary.
He then made a valiant effort to make some sense of his words, saying that Valentine’s Day was not a part of Muslim tradition but of the West, and so we should maintain our religious and national identity.
Go back to sleep, Mr President.
5. Ban Doraemon
Sometimes, politicians can make us doubt their sanity. And this is one of those times.
Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf in August submitted a first of its kind resolution in the Punjab Assembly calling for a ban on famous Japanese anime series Doraemon.
“Pemra should impose a ban on Doraemon or limit its airtime as it contains explicit content which has a bad impact on children,” PTI legislator Malik Taimoor Masood said.
6. Khawaja Asif’s ‘tractor trolley’ comment
“Someone make this tractor trolley keep quiet.”
This infamous remark was made by Pakistan’s Defence Minister Khawaja Asif, intended for PTI’s Shireen Mazari, and in the National Assembly. Enough said!
As if the damage hadn’t already been done, Asif took the opportunity to also remark on Mazari’s ‘manly voice’. “It will be better if you first transform your masculine voice into a more feminine one,” he said.
7. Divorce rate linked to gas load-shedding
Of all the reasons for increasing instances of divorce in Pakistan, a PML-N lawmaker hit upon gas load-shedding as the leading cause. It sure defies reason, but Tahira Aurangzeb did have an argument to back her supposition.
“Squabbles have become common as housewives have been unable to cook food or breakfast on time because of excessive gas load-shedding. As a result, men get irritated, tearing couples apart in the long run,” she said.
“The house should be informed who exactly is responsible for the mess [in the family life of consumers].”
8. If you can’t afford pulses, eat chicken: Ishaq Dar
Umm, Mr finance minister, you have heard of Marie Antoinette, haven’t you? Perhaps not, it seems.
Answering criticism on soaring prices of pulses in the National Assembly, Ishaq Dar came up with some strange advice. “If pulses are expensive, then people should eat chicken which is Rs200 per kilo because the government has waived all taxes and duties on poultry products,” he said. Slow-clap
9. Husbands be allowed to ‘lightly beat’ defying wives
If we were to hold a competition for most ridiculous suggestion ever, this one would win hands down.
Earlier this year, the Council of Islamic Ideology (CII), headed by Maulana Muhammad Khan Sherani of JUI-F, proposed its own version of the women protection bill, recommending ‘a light beating’ for the wife if she defies the husband.
According to the council, a husband should be allowed to ‘lightly’ beat his wife if she defies his commands and refuses to dress up as per his desires; turns down demand of intercourse without any religious excuse or does not take bath after intercourse or menstrual periods.
It has also suggested that a beating is permissible if a woman does not observe hijab; interacts with strangers; speaks loud enough that she can easily be heard by strangers; and provides monetary support to people without taking consent of her spouse.
10. Sindh sports minister challenges Punjab counterpart to push-up competition
For reals. That right there is the solution to all of Sindh’s sporting woes. Wonder why no one else thought of that before?
“I challenge the sports minister of Punjab to do 50 push-ups, and I’ll do the same. I am a sportsman myself. The players of Sindh aren’t in the spotlight and this is what I aim to change — Even if I have to fight with the federal government,” Sardar Muhammad Bux Khan Mahar said.
New year resolution: Don’t vote for politicians as silly as the ones mentioned above.